The Aged P

…just toasting and ruminating….

22 July
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Obama Gives Ed Miliband Tips On What To Do If He Becomes Prime Minister

Labour leader Ed Miliband spent 25 minutes with President Obama at the White House. At the end Ed asked him for some advice on how to ruin run a nation…….

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17 January
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Fearless UK Telegraph Hack Thinks Michelle Obama Is Simply Wonderful…..

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Peter Foster, The Daily Telegraph’s hack-in-residence across the pond, pens a hymn of praise for Michelle Obama’s 50th birthday that would be the envy of every ambitious scribbler in Pyongyang. In his determination to ferret out the truth he fearlessly tracks down a cross section of everyday ordinary American folks who just happen to part of the Obama circle, fixes them with a steely eye and throws them the killer question.

On a scale of ten to ten just how wonderful a person is Michelle Obama?

I used to think Mark Mardell at the BBC had cornered the market in this type of sycophantic drivel but Foster has played a blinder here. Both of the Obamas are political hacks spawned by the corrupt Daley Chicago machine. Both have an invented back story which covers up the fact that they were eased along the political food chain by patronage and influence rather than achievement. But then what can one expect from “journalists” who merely regurgitate the wishful thinking mythology of the US media/cultural elite?

But brace yourselves, folks – Mr Foster is only using this as dry run for his forthcoming puff pieces on Hillary Clinton so make certain you stock up with sick bags…

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15 October
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Breaking News: Queen Elizabeth II Sacks Barack Obama

via the inestimable Michael Yon  ….a spoof, of course, but it might touch a few nerves…

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To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

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1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’ Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).

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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’

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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.

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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

 

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05 October
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Thomas Sowell – Five Key Facts About The US Govt Shutdown For Infants & British Journalists

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A lot of  nonsense has been written about the US Govt “shutdown” in  the UK media right across the political spectrum from the Telegraph’s extra dry Jeremy Warner to the wet lettuce BBC Obama shill Mark Mardell. Combine this with the high level of ignorance about the US political sytem here in Britain (matched only by the equally astonishing misunderstanding of “funny foreigners” by Americans) and you have as much chance of drilling down to the nitty gritty as a bricklayer trying to do some delicate brain surgery with a trowel. But the explanation of what is happening is as simple and straightforward as getting the gin out of the bottle (unscrewing the cap if your memory needs a jolt) according to the highly respected academic Thomas Sowell.

  • The Republican-controlled House of Representatives voted all the money required to keep all government activities going — except for ObamaCare.
  • All spending bills must originate in the House of Representatives, which means that congressmen there have a right to decide whether they want to spend money on a particular government activity.
  • The money voted by the House of Representatives covered everything that the government does, except for ObamaCare.
  • The Senate chose not to vote to authorize that money to be spent, because it did not include money for ObamaCare.
  • Tax money keeps coming into the Treasury during the shutdown, and it vastly exceeds the interest that has to be paid on the national debt.

Read Sowell’s brief but soundly reasoned exposition here. Regard anything written about the shutdown that does not tally with those five key facts as either a malicious and deliberate lie or as a demonstration that the author’s understanding of American politics is on the same level as an earwig’s grasp of the second law of thermodynamics..

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08 March
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The US Heritage Foundation Says “Hey Obama…Do The Right Thing Over The Falklands”

At last – an American voice calling out Obama for kowtowing to the Latin American left on Argentina’s posturings over The Falklands (actually it’s a British voiceover for a vid produced by a US think tank)

Grateful thanks to our friends at The Heritage Foundation

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28 February
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Who Will Win The White House In 2048 – After 40 Years Of The Obama/Clinton Dynasty?

Hot Air recently mocked Chris Matthews when he predicted a Hillary Clinton White House from 2016 until 2024. But when you consider how deeply the US media elite would be in the tank for the lady the prospect should be worrying. The fact that originally she was just the wife of a famous politician who was parachuted into a Senate seat far away from her home state and sat there for four years with a record as bland as Obama’s in the same place matters not a jot. As Secretary of State her impact on global matters was minimal. America’s rivals and enemies – Russia, China, Iran, and North Korea – were able to relax, secure in the knowledge that the Obama/Clinton regime was content to spend their time in the far corner of the school yard picking daisies while the school bullies went about their business with impunity.

Nevertheless, for some reason, Clinton is portrayed in the media as some sort of superwoman earth mother, wise beyond her years. Between them Tina Brown and Sandra Fluke and their cohorts will give Hillary the easiest of rides to the White House, buttressed, almost certainly, by Barack Obama, whose endorsement will swing the Democrat machine and the rainbow coalition foursquare behind her…..and the reason for that should be obvious. Obama has his eye on the election of 2024 – and the candidacy of Michelle Obama.

When Barack Obama leaves the White House for his post as Secretary General of the UN I guarantee that some obliging Democrat in the Senate will be appointed to Hillary’s cabinet, triggering off a special election – enter Michelle. By 2023, when the jockeying for the Democrat primaries begin, Michelle will be a shoo in. The Media will go bananas for her and once more there will be a Chicago machine hack in the Oval Office – until 2032….when Senator Chelsea Clinton will be 42 years old – which will be Malia Obama’s age in 2040…….

Fantasy or nightmare?

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22 February
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The Falklands – Obama Sends Cameron A Turd In Return for All That Fawning…

So all Cameron’s brown nosing of President Obama and his Chicago Machine administration produces nothing but this stinking turd….

A FRESH transatlantic row has blown up after the US said it will not recognise next month’s Falklands referendum.

But then maybe Obama and his mates think that voting in the Falklands referendum will be organised in Chicago style with people voting early – and often – and the dead arising from their graves to cast their ghostly ballot.

Time, perhaps, to swiftboat the new US Secretary of State John Kerry. This could never have been done to St Hillary, as much the idol of the media/political elite as Obama but now she has briefly returned to Mount Olympus, Mr Kerry, a rather seedy and timeworn suit, needs to be the target of some home truths IF (and it’s a massive IF) Cameron and co have the cojones to do it……

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11 January
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Heard this one? “An American, a German and a banker were in the EU bar and told a Brit he couldn’t leave….”

Well, just when the great and the good were hoping that UKIP might be losing momentum because Dave was going to make His Great Speech about having a vote on renegotiating that EU directive on turnips rather than a straightforward in/out referendum the genie jumps out of the lamp and grants Nigel Farage and his party three golden opportunities.

The speech is still some way off but already dire warnings have been issued by “business leaders” (bankers – yeah, they have proven to be so upright honest and businesslike) – CBI (aka big global corporations) – and assorted suits. “We will lose out on exports to the EU” they cry. Excuse me? Presumably EU countries buy our stuff because it meets their needs, not out of charity for the UK.

Then some smooth US State Department poobah says that President Obama wants us to stay in the EU as a bagman for the USA since the French and the Germans, who actually run the EU, have never been fond of America. Also, of course, Obama and his henchmen are still wedded and glued to that old 1950s shibboleth of regional superstates – after all they are working hard to undermine the powers of the individual US states and upgrade federal power (Obamacare, Stimulus, gun control etc). A Washington/Brussels Axis would be so much easier to manage with no pesky politicians upsetting the apple carts – just the bureaucrats and diplomats codifying and making deals in cosy conferences.

Then, of course, the entry of the ultimate cartoon character, the German..

Gunther Krichbaum, chairman of Germany’s European affairs committee and acting as Angela Merkel’s ventriloquist’s dummy, used a visit to Britain to condemn Dave’s referendum tactics. “Ve distrust allowing ze voters to have any say in ze way ze EU is run. Ve know vot ze people vant much better than zey do und ve vill not be blackmailed into renegotiating ze EU Turnip Directive” (well he didn’t actually say that but it sums up the gist of his blathering)

With the carpet being pulled away from under Dave’s feet his Master Plan (kick in/out into the long grass by waffling on about renegotiation) is already looking like last weekend’s pizza. Several of the Tory government’s big guns have noticed UKIP snapping at their heels in recent polls and are leaning towards a referendum on in/out rather than one on a cobbled together list of renegotiated powers.

Which is why Nigel Farage’s UKIP has been given this good fairy gift. A banker, an American and a German telling us that we shouldn’t even have a referendum on our relationship with the EU? That will make most of us even more determined to demand one – because, oddly enough, what is good for global banks, Barack Obama and Angela Merkel does not always align with what is good for Britain.

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10 December
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Labour Hopes That In 2015 UK Will Follow USA In Electing Lunatics To Run Asylum

A few weeks ago a majority of Americans voted to put the lunatics in charge of the asylum. That is essentially what Matt Welch was saying in a rather sombre piece at Reason – an article so depressing it ought to have had a health warning attached.

If elections are up-or-down assessments of politicians’ job performance, then this was a vote in favor of trillion-dollar annual deficits, bailout economics, and failing the minimum competence test of passing an annual budget. Federal policy for four years has produced lousy short-term results for the price of long-term insolvency, and now the characters responsible for this misgovernance have been given a pat on the head.

That’s right, despite Sarah Palin’s uncannily perceptive prediction in 2008, the USA wants more Styrofoam columns…..

So, just because Milliband and Balls are being constantly mocked in many of the public prints for their infantile money grows on trees rhetoric against public spending cuts, don’t imagine that our own band of lunatics cannot possibly party their way to power here in the UK in 2015….

Time to take to the hills?

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18 September
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You Know If Palin Had Been Nominated Obama Would Be Ahead In The Polls By Now…

I know, I know it’s National Review and Erika Johnsen over at Hot Air will say it’s all part of Romney’s 378 point plan , yes siree, so stay pumped and keep on clicking onto us and don’t get annoyed by that irritating ad that always pops up…….

This Politico story is almost too depressing to contemplate:
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It gets worse, so be sure to read the whole thing to make sure you ruin your week off right.
Meanwhile, it’s a good thing for Romney that absolutely nothing of any interest has been going on in the world this past week, and steady-as-he-goes Mitt can keep reminding the American public, when he bothers to emerge from the foxhole into which the media has driven him, that President Obama’s a nice guy, but by golly he’s in over his head, and gee whiz I saved the Olympics and, dadgummit, a CFO is just what this country needs right now. (Although even that’s not working any more.)

Not to worry..almost certainly within the next two days the Death Star will appear, Romney will step out of his pseudo plastic skin and hurl a rain of thunderbolts onto Obama’s head. The President will crumble and Mitt will shoot into a 20 point lead – it must be true because the people at Hot Air keep on saying that.

Yes folks it will need fire, passion and a clear vision of what the candidate stands for to get those supporters crawling barelegged over broken glass to get out the vote – so thank goodness Sarah Palin wasn’t nominated. If she had been the GOP candidate Obama would be leading in the polls by now….

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