Robert Mugabe appointed UN ‘leader for tourism’

You’re kidding me, right?

You mean this Robert Mugabe?

The one who is under investigation?

I kid you not……

Never ever underestimate the ability of the United Nations to shove it’s head right up its anterior orifice….

Binyavanga Wainaina – you are so right

Let us imagine that Africa was really like it is shown in the international media.
Africa would be a country. Its largest province would be Somalia.
Bono, Angelina Jolie and Madonna would be joint presidents, appointed by the United Nations.
European aid workers would run the Foreign Affairs Office, gap year students from the UK the Ministry of Health and the Ministry of Culture would be run by the makers of the Kony2012 videos.

Mocking the image of Africa constantly pimped by the western media – especially the BBC – Wainaina, a leading Kenyan writer pleads for a more sophisticated and nuanced approach to Africa.

Africa’s image in the West, and Africa’s image to itself, are often crude, childish drawings of reality.

He wants us to dilute the image of the mud hut and tribal dance with roads, railways, cables, factories and offices.

Fat chance, Mr Wainaina – the British Guardian reading, BBC watching middle class want mud huts and tribal dances because they need to feel superior. Not in the old Imperial way of keeping the restless natives down with a Gatling gun but because they want to trade pity for gratitude. They lust for famines, droughts, massacres so that they can distribute largesse and feel good about themselves. They have spawned a vast network of NGOs, staffed by their own children just to show Africans that they cannot be trusted to look after themselves.

If they had their way Africa would be one vast national park where the mud huts and tribal dances would be “managed” in the same way as the big game. No cables or smoking factories would desecrate the landscape because the chattering classes need Africa as a background for the frenetic pace of their own lives.

Where would all those “caring” celebs go on Red Nose day if Africa became like India and China, thrusting vigorous economies that were challenging our own sclerotic bureaucracies? Where would Madonna go for her next trophy adoption? What would Oxfam do with all those blankets and condoms?

More power to your elbow, Mr Wainaina – and the next time a rather turgid BBC left wing “comedian” arrives in some “African” village with a fleet of Range Rovers and accompanied by a bevy of mini skirted “production assistants” carrying a football so that he can be filmed for 35 seconds surrounded by grinning young “natives” why not shove his red nose right up his anterior orifice and bundle him on his way….

Sarkozy & Merkel discuss plans for their new ship while the Titanic is sinking under them

Never upset a swordfish

After you have argued with someone it is never advisable to invite them to tattoo your back…

Misogynistic sadists with a medieval mindset doing rather well in some parts of the UK

Am I alone in not caring a fig about Sarah Jessica Parker’s insecurities?

Teachers in Ghana go on strike over students’ “Bowel Protest”

Austrians demand less theory and more practice when it comes to sex education in schools…

Whereas in France if you don’t regularly satisfy your wife in bed a judge will be very displeased…

Yaw Nkansah, a 30 year old pastor of a church in Ghana, showed great concern when a 15 year old girl was brought to him by her mother seeking spiritual deliverance from her troubles. He invited the girl to his Prayer Camp and prayed over her to try to identify the cause of her problem.

He discovered that the devil had “cast a prostititution spell” on her. It was a strong spell but he had the power to break it and he told her to put some money and a cloth under her pillow and sleep on it for a week, then to give the cloth and the money to him.
The grateful girl willingly followed his advice.

After receiving the cloth and money he took her outside to a bush, told her to strip naked and then took her back to his bedroom where he smeared her with holy oil.

For a while they just prayed quietly together.

Suddenly he cried out that he had a message from the “holy spirit”.

In order to be purified the girl would have to have sex with him.

Nervous at this revelation she began to have doubts. But the pastor sprinkled her with some “holy” powder and she fell into a “sleep”. When she awoke she realised he had raped her and protested. But the pastor told her that if she mentioned to anybody else she would die an agonising death.

So she remained silent.

But some weeks later another girl brought before the pastor for spiritual healing died during the process. Her relatives, worried about this, consulted an oracle. The oracle revealed that Pastor Nkansah could not heal the girl because he had raped five sisters. The mother of the five girls confronted them and they each told her how the pastor had raped them.

He had done the same cruel trick with the four sisters of his first victim…

In front of a tribal court Nkansah pleaded guilty but claimed he had been ordered to have sex with the girls by “celestial powers” The tribal court fined him a ram and two bottles of schnapps and the ram was slaughtered to reverse the curse.

He was then handed over to the civil court where a judge gave him twenty years in the slammer to reflect on those “celestial” powers….

Church leaders in Ghana are concerned but not entirely surprised by this and other cases where pastors are abusing their position. Rev. Gideon Titi-Offei, the general secretary of the National Association of Charismatic Christian Churches pointed out that the Bible, as usual, was not silent on this issue.

We are extremely worried that pastors of late are making the front pages of various newspapers for the wrong reasons…but it’s not surprising to us at all, because the Bible is not silent on wolves coming in sheep’s clothing. And the Bible also talks about Satan coming in the form of an agent of light.

Amen to that – and, I wager, not just in Ghana…

h/t Modern Ghana