You know I’m really missing out on a great business sideline in political journalism – the one that seems to always pop up about half way through a political piece where the writer, needing a little padding to reach the word count ordered by the editor, goes to some rent a quote hack for those vital 200 words to act as filler.

What sparked me off was reading a relatively bland article on Governor Palin’s book tour by Andrea Billups in the Washington Times. It wasn’t particularly unfriendly except when Andrea suddenly started quoting Andrew Koneschusky, “a vice president in the public affairs practice of D.C.-based Levick Strategic Communications”

Now that is a title – great to throw out at dinner parties over the soup to the attractive brunette on your right hand who you hope is still single…beats being a bus driver any day….

It was Andrew’s quotes about the Governor that set me thinking.

He had to say, more in sorrow than in anger that she had a “perceived” lack of substance.

Instead of taking that off the table by delving into more substantive realms, she’s lashing out at critics and she’s attacking left and right and pretty much confirming and solidifying the image that a lot of people already have of her

But be not downhearted….Andrew’s there to help. All she needs to do is to get rid of that burning anger and toxic bitterness . She has to offer a positive message and show “some substantial chops” (I do hope he is not being sexist here – you Americans often use words in a sometimes embarrassingly different way….I remember the awkward silence that fell when I asked a visitor from New York if he fancied a faggot for lunch…)

I have to confess some puzzlement at Andrew’s characterisation of the Governor. She has always struck me as a cheerful, feisty, warm hearted lady but who am I to judge? I am an elderly Englishman, living in the ancient forest of the Sussex Weald – what would I know about “public affairs practice” – all I ever did was teach teenagers for forty years.

Nevertheless I thought I would just check Andrew out to see if maybe I had missed a little nuance and discovered something very interesting. Before ascending to the giddy heights of veeping at D.C.-based Levick Strategic Communications Andrew had worked with Senator Chuck Schumer (Crazy Chucky) – pro choice, pro Fannie & Freddie, pro gun control, pro pork (“And let me say this to all the chattering classes that so much focus on those little, tiny, yes porky amendments. The American people really don’t care”)

He has also worked with Representative John Murtha (I wonder if he was one of the thirty passengers a day at Murtha’s airport for no one that has soaked up $150 million from all you generous taxpayers) so it would seem that Andrew must be well versed in the art of pork.

Would it really come as a surprise to you, dear reader, to learn that Andrew has also been a big cheese with the Louisiana Democratic Party, not usually described as the cleanest political machine in America?

Essentially, then, Andrew is a lobbyist who has worked for some of the biggest Democratic porksters in politics which, of course, makes him the ideal person to offer up some well intended and carefully balanced advice to one of the country’s biggest porkbusters.

So, in the interests of research, just let’s imagine that Andrea was running a piece on Andrew and decided to ring me here in England for some sound, caring advice…maybe it would go like this..

Andrew needs to break away from working with DC windbags and get some experience with people who actually run things and accept responsibility. Helping implement one of the largest infrastructure projects in American history would be a good start. He could also get involved with the preparation of a multi million dollar budget and see that it was spent wisely rather than on airports to nowhere while, at the same time, doing some legwork on an ethics reform programme. After a few years of that he might gain “substance” and “chops”

But maybe Andrew wouldn’t be too keen on that – can you imagine the consternation amongst Andrew and his fellow lobbyists at Levick at the mere suggestion of someone going to Washington and taking an axe to the pork and the lobbying and spending several days on a line by line crunching of earmarks scoring them for utility and value for money?

That must be Andrew’s worst nightmare – he might have to stop being a lobbyist and do something useful like driving a bus…..no wonder he hasn’t got a very high opinion of the ‘Cuda – she is his nemisis………

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